Time for a bit of long overdue horse humour, these these horse and horse racing jokes!
Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
He thought he might get a kick out of it!
What did the horse say when it fell?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
That horse is so slow the post office should buy him.
Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: “I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!” he bragged. The next said with a snort, “Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!” Then the third horse spoke up proudly, “Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!” This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, “I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them.” The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, “Wow! A talking greyhound!”
I bought a horse. In its first race it went out 25 to 1. The only problem is that all the other horses left at 12:30.
His horse lost the race, and the owner was irate. “I thought I told you to come with a rush at the end,” he screamed at the jockey.